PeNsIvE

Today, for a change, I decided to go out with Bob and do something more than lie down till noon on a Saturday. During spring and summer, they usually play basketball every Saturday at Foster City. I decided to put the bike we bought 3 years ago to use. Imagine it had only been used three times that whole time. We even had to drop by Chevron to get it pumped with air coz its tires got flat not being used for more than 2 years.

While he played basketball, I biked around Catamaran and on some of the "not a through streets" (dead-end for short, I have never understood what that means — nor would have I thought it grammatically correct prior to seeing it on street signs, anyway…) in the area.

After about 5 rounds around the area, I thought I’d drop by to the nearby liquor store to get some Gatorade for me and Bob. And so I did, I got 2 — didn’t even realize that since it was a liquor store, they only used brown paper bags (they need to cover what the person is drinking — apparently, it is illegal to loiter around with an alcoholic drink, hmm only found that out today). I was hoping they had at least a plastic bag since I didn’t have a basket for the bike — and I couldn’t bike with only one hand. So it only meant one thing. I had to walk the bike and hold the darn Gatorades back to where the car was parked, to think I wasn’t even that thirsty yet!

When I got back to the car, I decided to just rest for a while. Besides my butt had already been aching due to the seat. Okay, okay I decided to get my book 6 a read. It’s been sitting unread the whole week since I had a ton to do to catch up at work and at home with the move and all. After reading several chapters, I thought I should go out again…Baka mahuli ako ni Bob, pagtatawanan na naman ako non…so I hurriedly went out of the car and left — syempre pretending na seryoso sa biking!

I wasn’t sure if I had locked the doors so I decided to come back and check. As I turned to go back, I decided to do a quick U-turn. Apparently, not a very good idea…just when I was about to hit the gutter, I panicked and fell from the bike. I’m lucky I just had a couple of scratches, I thought I fell hard. The fall hurts physically, but my ego was hurt more, I’m 28 and I just found out I still don’t know how to ride a bike. Badminton na lang? Pede ba?

I’ve always woke up and felt so bad waking up — worried that I had a class that I never attended or that I never went to ever, it is the end of the semester, I have failed the course. I’ve talked to a couple of friends and colleagues and said they experience the same dreams too…what’s up with that?!

How do you normally respond to nagging? Someone tells you: "Maybe it will be better if this was done this way…(instead of your method)", how do you react?

As Filipinos, we’ve been taught so many conflicting ideas about right and wrong. I guess a lot of it has to do with the number of times the Philippines has been colonized which made us one of the most confused nations in the world. "no" means "yes, nakakahiya naman kasi"…which means kailangan mo imbitahin 5 times bago pumunta sa mesa.

I’m sure I’ll automatically get raised eyebrows with someone reading my second paragraph. And I’m not surprised. Had I read/heard it from someone else, I would have reacted the exact same way. Of course we do not want anybody saying unpleasant things about ourselves. Filipinos are practically clear about that. When I started reading Neal Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon, it took me awhile to get past the first few pages especially when he started talking about Philippine economy. I could definitely feel my ears getting red as I browsed through the pages. I guess my feeling was that nobody has the right to talk that way about us — except us (I know, where’s the logic in that?). In my mind, I was thinking: "Does he think Filipinos won’t ever bother reading his book because it was all about cryptology and he’s used a ton of math and that Filipinos wont understand the book anyway?! May calculus din sa Pinas ano!?!" All of that was going through my mind. I even had to close the book for a few days just get over the feeling I had.

Anyway, I guess it just shows how poor my emotional intelligence is.

I just realized that the only way we know on dealing with anger is either by keeping quiet or by bursting out in anger (let alone, habulin mo ng itak o magsampalan o suntukan — sounds like a Filipino movie huh?). We never knew how to use the powerful middle ground that can turn things around. I myself snap too quickly on people with agressive behavior.

We’ve been taught not to answer back to our parents: "Ano!? Bakit mo ginawa yon?! Sumagot ka! O…o…o…sasagot ka pa!" Di ko talaga ma-gets. Inis na inis si Mommy sa akin kasi palasagot ako. Si Kyo naman kasi kaasar, pag napapagalitan, sinasarhan niya lang ang kuwerto niya at matutulog — bwiset talaga!  I am actually worried when I have my own kid, it will all boomerang. Though I would like to stand on my position that there is nothing wrong answering back to your parents — that will teach your children to think about the consequences of their own actions and explaining why they did it — maybe there is a side to their story (tingnan natin kung makakalusot).  I think it is one of the reasons why Filipinos find it hard to articulate that we have an opposing opinion is because we’ve been trained to just accept and not question OR fight (in a very physical obvious manner) against something we dont agree in which I think is the case moreso often — especially when it will lead to something sticky. But remember that aggressive behavior begets aggressive behavior. Remember that how you communicate with others, carries on how the conversation will go — how the other party will act and react.

Don’t expect a good meal if you’re not nice to the waiter, it’s one of the stupidest things you can do - expect sneezers instead.

Don’t expect people to be nice to you if you’re not nice to them. It’s just the basic law of karma: cause and effect.

I know it is hard to deal with difficult people…I find the same problem everyday…and sometimes I’m the difficult party. Maybe forcing yourself to be nice isn’t being "plastic".  We should strive to remind ourselves that other people are simply reacting to the behavior we show them. Hopefully, that can make a world of a difference in our relationships with people around us.

I know I’ve been complaining a lot lately about the commute to work. Sorry to bore all of you about all that, just needed to vent a little bit. Actually, one of the things getting me through the day is getting home. We just moved last July 9. After 5 years of renting here in the US, renting all my life in the Philippines, finally, drumroll please…we have our own place. Yey! Fireworks please!

A couple of years ago, we moved closer to work since we were renting in San Mateo anyway and we were 13 miles away. When we moved to Mountain View, I was 5 minutes away from the office, boy was I spoiled.

When we started looking for a house I was still optimistic that we’d be able to find something we can afford in the Mountain View area to be as close to work, to lessen the commute. But there was just nothing we can practically afford. So we expanded our search and after viewing several houses, we found it: Home Sweet Home.

We are really happy about the place we found in Union City. We had a great real estate agent who was recommended by Ate Anna, recommended by one of her previous co-worker. Let us know if you need one coz he really is great. You really need one especially when you’re not buying a brand new home. Because sellers also have agents and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to deal with them directly.

Anyway, now we’re closer to family. Kyo, Ate Anna and Kamille lives about 0.7 of a mile away, maybe closer if you try to walk. We usually go to their place on weekends anyway.  Ninong Rudy, Ninang Aveling (Mommy’s Aunt), Dave and Ryan (their sons, our uncles who are younger than us! I have to congratulate Ninong and Ninang as they have grown up as really nice kids.) is close.  They actually live in Fremont but we live right about the border of Fremont and Union City, so it’s still close by. It’s just nice to be close to family especially when you’re thousands of miles away from home.

I’ll be uploading some before and after pictures soon. With the move and all, I could not find the charger for the digital camera. Hopefully, we’ll get out of boxes in a couple of weeks, months. Bobby did a lot of work on the place. We were both excited about listing the projects we wanted to work on. The list got quite long — but after realizing how much it is gonna cost, we’ve narrowed down the list to the really important ones for now. Hopefully, we can get to the nice-to-have’s later.  We’ll keep you posted.

Found out the company had a transportation subsidy program which you can use on any public transportation in the SF Bay Area. So I went online to see my route so I can hopefully try it for next week…I am so happy thinking I’ll have a way around not having to drive to work

Unfortunately, here was the result 511.org’s trip planner gave me.

It will take me 2 1/2 hours to get to work compared to the 20 minute drive. I will need to take 2 buses, a train, another bus and walk quarter of a mile to get to work!

Plus, you have to be at the bus station at the exact time otherwise, you will have to wait for another 15 to 30 minutes depending on what time of day it is. Before, when we didn’t have a car yet, I used to commute from San Mateo to Mountain View. My bag would be filled with bus and train schedules, mostly the same but I always worry not having one on my hands. Because if you didn’t know what time to be there, you’d be waiting for a loooong time. Several times I’ve missed all the buses and would have to walk 2 miles to the train station, mga 45 minutes din sa bagal ko maglakad. Most of the times I’d just cry, because I am almost there when I would see the train leave. One time it was a little over 8pm, I got to the train station walking through San Antonio Road. It was already dark and that street isn’t well lit in that area, I was crossing the last street to the train station and I saw the train just passing by. Darn, I missed it! The next train comes at 9pm.

Looking back at all that, I think driving is still my best option. I guess I don’t really have a choice. Wish me luck.

After 9 business days, Bessie, our ninang sa wedding who’s asked Bobby to man the remittance store she opened finally decided to close the shop before losing more money on it — rent is high, you can count the people going inside the store with your fingers in one hand, computer peripherals breaking and needing to be replaced only to find out the replacement doesn’t work with that type of computer, just one disaster after another, etc — you’ll be surprised when Murphy’s Law proves itself. It was nice coz Bobby got to drive with me to the other side of the bay, we get to save gas and toll coz we get to carpool. And the best thing of all, I get to just sit in the passenger chair not having to worry about driving — lazy ass ooops. Oh well, good things never last…

But today, I need to really practice driving to work. Otherwise, it is too impractical for Bobby to drive me in and pick me up in the afternoon. Especially now, with the mortgage payments — every penny counts.

And so we walk to the garage, as usual I walk to the passenger side — as what I got used to. And Bobby calls me and says: "O, ikaw ang mag-drive!". That’s where the system broke down.

Though I already have my driver’s license, after 3 tries, God bless the soul of the examiner on my 3rd test — of course a lot would disagree, "What was she thinking letting a menace like me loose on the road?!" Anyway, hey! Give me a little credit, after taking 3 exams you get to get better — believe me, you really get to know the road rules, but applying it? That’s another thing. Well anyway, for me, all I need to do is get from Point A to Point B.

But with your husband as your coach? I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of marriages ended up in divorce because of this. You’ll definitely notice how dismayed he is everytime I hit the breaks, or step on the gas — even with just my peripheral vision, "You’re wasting gas" is what I see on his face. There is tension definitely. He gets to be nit picky about the tiniest little things like: "Ayusin mo hawak mo sa manibela." or "Sa kaliwa ka pumina..wag sa kanan!" or "OH MY GOD, intay ka muna bago ka mag-merge!!! May truck!!! Mamamatay tayo nyan!!!". Ok, ok not too tiny I guess.

But we made it in one piece to the office, thank God! That’s why you pay a lot for insurance and AAA I guess.

Anyway, here’s a word of advice for those of you who want to save your marriage: there’s a reason why there are driving instructors. Call Mr. Tsuei, it is better to spend $65 an hour than wreck your marriage.

Saturday Night…we’ve been alcohol-free for quite a while, I know the barkada at home will sound surprised…we had friends come over at our new place…we’ve moved just last Saturday — which forced us to clean up all the boxes in the living room. Man, I still feel all beat up. I’m sure Bobby will just start laughing at how lame I’ve been with anything that has to do with lifting or organizing coz he did most of it, hey, but still! We stayed up all Friday night cleaning up till just an hour before folks came over…felt like HGTV (which by the way is one of my favorite network these days, I wonder why) doing something like While you were Out.

My favorite sister-in-law Ate Anna (meron pa bang iba hehehe) and Kamille my niece, an expecting big sister, came earlier. They went with us to Home Depot to return some stuff (which is the only store we go to now by the way — if they sold grocery there, we’d probably shop there as well). Guess what? Two sets vinyl blinds I measured for the upstairs window…off by more than a foot! How can I be off by more than a foot!? To think I wrote it down twice coz both windows had the same size…oh well, good thing I still have the receipts. Kamille had been complaining this past year as they’ve been going there all the time for a while when they just got their house last year: "Parati na lang Home Depot, Lowes, Home Depot Lowes. Punta naman tayo sa pambata!"

Ann (Bobby’s cousin) and her husband Alvin stayed with us straight from their house in Sacramento, dropped by around 6pm to drop by what Alvin was cooking for Sunday morning — Curry, wish we had Roti huh? Ann and I are blessed with husbands who can cook really well. Should I say blessed?  I’m sure folks will not be able to recognize me now when they see me, blame it all on Bob!

Eric Tanlapco, Bobby’s neighbor from Pasig and his wife Mitch, my batchmate from LB came over. Ayon inuman till 2-3-4-ish in the morning. It was weird when Bobby first saw Eric in Kamille’s birthday party. They both looked at each other and pointed at the same time: O!

Of course we were both shocked coz we only knew each other post-college at Maginet. But surprisingly, we knew common friends. It really is a small world.

Bea, their 6-yr old kid was up with Kamille playing some online game on the computer, neopets.com. Very behaved naman at sobrang lambing kay Mitch. The 2 really had fun together. Unlike sa Pinas na paglabas lang ng bahay e may kalaro ka na, kids here are lucky to see kids at parties or play dates set specifically by their parents. Imagine needing an appointment to play? Anyway I guess it worked out well, otherwise either one of them would have been bored.

Hitting 2 birds with one stone, while parents are out drinking, syempre play date na rin for the kids hehehe It was fun to have fun once again. Sus parang nakalimutan ko na ata kung pano gumimik sa katagalan. Hopefully, we’ll get to do this more often.

I’ve always thought everybody is "special" in their own way…it was only recently when I realized that — that by itself is conflicting enough. We’ve always looked at different reasons why we’re more special than others: either being more pretty, more intelligent, more talented or artistic, more sporty etc.

People have been trying so hard to set themselves apart, only to find that there are more people who do/has it better and with the struggle to do this we forget what is more important…we forget that we are only special because we have people in our lives who think we are special…without them we are nothing.

These past 5 years, all I ever did was work and work harder…I’d imagine if Bobby wasn’t around our fish would die. Because I wouldn’t even remember to feed them, I think they know. And it is true, there will always be something to do at work, and it will NeVeR be done!!! This is still work in progress…trying to delineate between work and personal life. Coz work is just work, it’s not your life.

Always remember that life is too short — 100 years by Five for Fighting really makes me sad. Well so does Mondays. I guess it could just be it!!! All these ramblings and it just boils down to the saddest day of the week!?!

Anyway, I still mean what I just wrote…with our quest for the meaning of life, let’s not forget what really counts. It sounds corny I know, but its true.

Woohoo! Finally, the Half-blood Prince is coming tonite! Yeah, I guess this post sounds like I’m excited about the birth of some evil creature but at this day and age, who does not know Harry Potter? I’m amazed at how the Harry Potter series has increased readership for kids these days…well, I guess for me as well. I have not really been fond of reading and always thought it was a chore, probably associating it so much with studying. A few years back, if I has said "reading is fun", I would probably have said, "yeah right". But thanks to J.K. Rowling, I’ve loved reading again.

Looks like it really is a blogger’s world…so finally, I took the courage to start one of my own. I feel like I’ve been disconnected with friends and family for so long!!! SORRY talaga…well I know there is no excuse…it used to be work…and again work…and up until now, same alibi as usual…I know, I know! Anyway, I am so excited to finally do something other than work…Ok…that’s the end of that word for me on my posts — well, ok… I’ll try.

I hope this wouldn’t be my last post, and hopefully we can get updated with each others lives once again…miss ko na kayong lahat.